A Christmas Offering

Many* of you may recall when I took up graphic design and offered my services in an earlier post, accompanied by my portfolio of expert and artistic design. I am once again offering my services for the creation of your family Christmas card. As it is the season of giving, I will be only be charging a nominal sum of $1,403 per card ($3 of which will be going to charity so think about that before you say no). Below are some shots I have already taken of myself and Albert - we didn't have the luxury of props so I have had to skillfully draw them on each photo. Look carefully and you might be able to pick them out although they are hard to distinguish from the real thing.

Sometimes it's hard to get everyone to smile and look at the camera at the same time but luckily, I'm able to craft a natural expression on their faces so no one will ever realize that they were being a sour puss. I also find that a nice red lip brings every portrait alive and gives it a festive look.

Sometimes children forget about elegance and inadvertently show their undies. I just slap a big "censored" sign on - problem solved.

If you have someone that's a bit ugly and ruining your Xmas photo, put a tree in front of them.

This is a real tree. I hate those fake ones.  Also, when I said if there was someone a bit ugly in your family, I was obviously not referring to myself, this is an example only.

A nice festive banner can bring your photo to life and you can even have it made into a postcard. Make sure that everyone looks festive. This is a poor example as one of us refused to smile.

Posing with much reluctance, thankfully Albert was happy to be there.

A santa hat covers up a bad hair day, makes you look festive and like a Victoria's Secret model. See.

One of us doesn't want to be here. One of us is bleeding a little bit in a lovely festive red color.

If you don't have any Xmas balls, make sure you have a cat with one glowing eye. Very Christmassy. Don't try and stick him on top of the tree though. That will end badly for one of you. Also the tree.

Also, try adding a hula skirt.  Hula says Xmas.

*Well one of you might. Come on? Anyone?